dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
