Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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