The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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