What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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