I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
