He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
