Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
