Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
