Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
