I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
