Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
