Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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