So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
