Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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