I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
