we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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