The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
