why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
