plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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