how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
