we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
