After last night, I could never be a politician.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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