Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I accidentally burped into my bong.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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