I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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