i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
