similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
