Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
