Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
