I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
