It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
