My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My balls are so social today.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
