the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
