and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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