dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
