Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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