im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How's work?
Spinning.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
