I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
