So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
