DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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