you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
