Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
