U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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