remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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