I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
