flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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