I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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