just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
