party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
In America we eat man semen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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