only if we run a train.
done.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
