im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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