Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
